Episode description

Conflict doesn’t have to suck. These iconic relationship researchers tell us how.

Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection is the name of a new book by esteemed guests Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman.

They are the co-Founders of The Gottman Institute and have completed over 40 years of research with more than 3,000 couples. John is the researcher; Julie the clinician. They have written several books together, including Eight Dates and The Love Prescription.

Even though the majority of the Gottmans’ research is on couples, the advice is applicable to all types of relationships.

In this episode we talk about:

The three principle conflict styles

Why we often don’t understand what it is we’re fighting about

Perpetual problems vs. Solvable problems

Why the first three minutes of an argument are key

The simple sentence to use at the beginning of an argument

How to downregulate defensiveness in an argument

Why the Gottmans’ believe there is no such thing as constructive criticism

Why apologizing quickly isn’t always the right move

When a fight might spell the end

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